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  • Writer's pictureDr Shishir Palsapure

Which parenting style do you use most?

Updated: Dec 5, 2018

How your children might turn out to be when they grow up depends a lot on parenting style.

Parenting is stressful and stress influences your style of parenting. Most of us as parents use a style that our parents had used, or the style that impressed us most. Often our parenting style is a reaction to the spouse's parenting style which we don't like.

Master the researched effective style

Authoritarian style is when the parents are harsh, angry, unkind and firm. They use verbal and physical punishments, put-downs to discipline. Sadly long term research suggests that this style leads to children who grow up to be inhibited, fearful, angry or rebellious, use drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, have low self esteem and poor communication skills. Their academic performance is poor at school and college. The children's apparent good behaviour is out of fear and not self-responsibility.

Permissive parenting style involves protecting children from all frustrations, allowing them to do whatever they want and avoid conflicts at all costs. Parents give in to tantrums, unreasonable demands and are inconsistent in the rules. These children grow up to be anxious, learn manipulation. Children think parents don't care as there are no rules.

Authoritative style involves kindness, firmness and consistency. The few firm rules that are laid are laid in collaboration with the child, are consistent by both the parents, for all the siblings. Parents use appreciation, encouragement as motivators rather than yelling, punishments and love-withdrawal. They also use logical consequences as a strategy to shape behaviour.

Which style is the best?

"The children of Authoritative parents grow up to be confident, self-responsible, successful. They are also less likely to lie, rebel and have a positive image of themselves".

-Ann Vernon PhD, President of Albert Ellis Institute, New York.

Dr Shishir Palsapure MD MSc (Psy) is the founder of the unique preventive CORE emotional education program running in various schools. He is a psychotherapist and a certified trainer and supervisor for mental health professionals.

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